Fuser fears that I have too high expectations for this child coming. And while I admit that I sometimes catch myself viewing this entrance into motherhood and this child-to-be's life through rose colored glasses, I'd rather have high expectations than no expectations. I'd rather strive for greatness than mediocrity. I'd rather be intentional and have every choice down to the type of diapers we choose to use be made consciously rather than just having life happen to us while we nonchalantly sit in front of the television and permit it to pass us by.

I want my family to be different from my own upbringing. I want my family to have tradition and conectedness. That's not to say my family didn't have those things, we did very much so. But I'd still do some things differently as most people would. Fuser and I are two different people and must shape this family accordingly.

Seven year old Yano has provided with me with great growth this past year. This, I'm sure, has not been an easy process for him (nor for any firstborn child I'm sure). Only in second grade, Yano is not really into school. His life situation is probably the greatest contributing factor to his young apathetic attitude. He lives half his life with us and half his life with his mother. Both families love him. Both families have diametric approaches to child rearing. I used to get very frustrated with his lack of interest in school. While I still hold school and academics as being important there are other traits I'd rather see Yano master than simply being a good student.

This realization has caused me to think more intently about what I want this new baby to gain in life and what I want it to learn about above all. Knowing what I want this baby to learn causes me to realize that I must first embody the traits I want the baby come into. As this baby grows inside (nearly 22 weeks...) I continue to grow as well.