Fuser fears that I have too high expectations for this child coming. And while I admit that I sometimes catch myself viewing this entrance into motherhood and this child-to-be's life through rose colored glasses, I'd rather have high expectations than no expectations. I'd rather strive for greatness than mediocrity. I'd rather be intentional and have every choice down to the type of diapers we choose to use be made consciously rather than just having life happen to us while we nonchalantly sit in front of the television and permit it to pass us by.
I want my family to be different from my own upbringing. I want my family to have tradition and conectedness. That's not to say my family didn't have those things, we did very much so. But I'd still do some things differently as most people would. Fuser and I are two different people and must shape this family accordingly.
Seven year old Yano has provided with me with great growth this past year. This, I'm sure, has not been an easy process for him (nor for any firstborn child I'm sure). Only in second grade, Yano is not really into school. His life situation is probably the greatest contributing factor to his young apathetic attitude. He lives half his life with us and half his life with his mother. Both families love him. Both families have diametric approaches to child rearing. I used to get very frustrated with his lack of interest in school. While I still hold school and academics as being important there are other traits I'd rather see Yano master than simply being a good student.
This realization has caused me to think more intently about what I want this new baby to gain in life and what I want it to learn about above all. Knowing what I want this baby to learn causes me to realize that I must first embody the traits I want the baby come into. As this baby grows inside (nearly 22 weeks...) I continue to grow as well.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
While having a profound thought about diapers today I suddenly became amazed that motherhood is not something you need to apply for. So I'm kidding about having profound diaper thoughts, but that was on my mind when the latter came to mind.
It is perhaps the largest responsibility one can take on, (next to the guy who has the job of deciding whether or not to press the red button to release the nukes). We make people take a drive test before letting them on the road alone. We test fast food employees' pee for evidence of drug usage. When adopting a pet from the animal shelter you have to write essays and convince the organization that you will take care of the animal you choose.
But motherhood is a choice (sometimes a surprise) and no one can take it away from you.
This post is lame.
It is perhaps the largest responsibility one can take on, (next to the guy who has the job of deciding whether or not to press the red button to release the nukes). We make people take a drive test before letting them on the road alone. We test fast food employees' pee for evidence of drug usage. When adopting a pet from the animal shelter you have to write essays and convince the organization that you will take care of the animal you choose.
But motherhood is a choice (sometimes a surprise) and no one can take it away from you.
This post is lame.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
DR. JONATHAN TAM OB/Gyn is a fraud, or at least a gynecological punk
Remember when I blogged about my one and only appointment with an OB/Gyn? I said everyone was friendly, the Dr. was fine, but not that personable, and it was a fine experience for my one and only appointment with the office.
That was until I received by bill from the lab. When I actually sat down to look at the bill and write a check I was amazed to find that Dr. Tam had done a Pap smear, and STD testing because to my knowledge, those tests had never been done. Unless I'm completely weird and wired on pregnancy hormones, I think I (and most other females) would remember a speculum being stuck into my vagina to permit a probe to retrieve cervical cells. That's not exactly a procedure one sleeps through. It's not like getting a facial. Yet the lab claims Dr. Tam sent my cervical cells out to them.
I've spent two weeks trying to get some answers from the Dr. on this. It usually takes 4 days just to get a human being who is usually a know nothing office help. (I say this because when explaining my concerns to the first woman who was completely unhelpful I asked her if it was standard procedure to use a speculum to do these tests. She said she didn't know. You'd think if you are working in a women's health clinic, are a woman yourself, that you'd be familiar with the procedures.) I finally made it to the office mananger and have her direct number to harass as often as I want now. Patricia kindly said she would speak with Dr. Tam about my concerns. When I spoke with Patricia again she said Dr. Tam's response was, "I"m just that good. Woman don't know what's going on." Hmmmm.. I wonder if he says that to his wife....So now I'm not only pissed off, I'm offended at this response and awaiting to talk to the Dr. directly.
So, if you live in the Pasadena area, and are in need of an OB/Gyn, avoid DR. Jonathan Tam.
Remember when I blogged about my one and only appointment with an OB/Gyn? I said everyone was friendly, the Dr. was fine, but not that personable, and it was a fine experience for my one and only appointment with the office.
That was until I received by bill from the lab. When I actually sat down to look at the bill and write a check I was amazed to find that Dr. Tam had done a Pap smear, and STD testing because to my knowledge, those tests had never been done. Unless I'm completely weird and wired on pregnancy hormones, I think I (and most other females) would remember a speculum being stuck into my vagina to permit a probe to retrieve cervical cells. That's not exactly a procedure one sleeps through. It's not like getting a facial. Yet the lab claims Dr. Tam sent my cervical cells out to them.
I've spent two weeks trying to get some answers from the Dr. on this. It usually takes 4 days just to get a human being who is usually a know nothing office help. (I say this because when explaining my concerns to the first woman who was completely unhelpful I asked her if it was standard procedure to use a speculum to do these tests. She said she didn't know. You'd think if you are working in a women's health clinic, are a woman yourself, that you'd be familiar with the procedures.) I finally made it to the office mananger and have her direct number to harass as often as I want now. Patricia kindly said she would speak with Dr. Tam about my concerns. When I spoke with Patricia again she said Dr. Tam's response was, "I"m just that good. Woman don't know what's going on." Hmmmm.. I wonder if he says that to his wife....So now I'm not only pissed off, I'm offended at this response and awaiting to talk to the Dr. directly.
So, if you live in the Pasadena area, and are in need of an OB/Gyn, avoid DR. Jonathan Tam.
19 weeks 2 days pregnant
BIRTHING CHOICES and Judgement
I am a judgemental person. I have tried to be more aware of this personality trait as I progress farther into this pregnancy. I don't take offense at other people's comments about our choice to birth at home. Those don't bother me. It's the four other people I know who are currently pregnant that I don't want to settle for a uninvolved birth. I want this birth to be theirs. I want them to own it. It's hard to hear some proclaim that they "want an epidural the moment a contraction begins" until birth occurs. I have been wrestling with my inner judge to keep from saying--but that seems so cowardly. Your body was made for this.
Judging is never going to get anyone anywhere. That's why everbody hates Christians these days. We can be so damn judgemental. So can everyone else. And I've just realized how judgemental I am about the birth process.
But the past month has softened me. The birth I desire is not going to be the right birth for another. To the person who says--I could never birth at home, too much can go wrong...Then the hospital is the place for them because they would not be able to birth at home with that mentality. Their body could very likely stall labor until they were in the comfort of the hospital with all the high tech interventional amenities.
To the person that desires an epidural at the first twinge of a uterine contraction, I say I hope it works out for you and you don't suffer from the potential side affects.
To the person that want to birth at home, I say I hope you find the inner strength to complete the task at hand and come out with a sense of pride and accomplishment.
I'm at a place where I want to support the decisions of these friends even when it's not what I would choose for myself. In the same way I would hope that they would return the support.
I wish women had more courage demonstrated to them when it comes to the birth process. I wish doctors would up their belief in a woman's ability to birth a healthy baby. We need a cultural shift away from birth being viewed as a sickness and instead have it be viewed as supernatual yet normal bodily function.
BIRTHING CHOICES and Judgement
I am a judgemental person. I have tried to be more aware of this personality trait as I progress farther into this pregnancy. I don't take offense at other people's comments about our choice to birth at home. Those don't bother me. It's the four other people I know who are currently pregnant that I don't want to settle for a uninvolved birth. I want this birth to be theirs. I want them to own it. It's hard to hear some proclaim that they "want an epidural the moment a contraction begins" until birth occurs. I have been wrestling with my inner judge to keep from saying--but that seems so cowardly. Your body was made for this.
Judging is never going to get anyone anywhere. That's why everbody hates Christians these days. We can be so damn judgemental. So can everyone else. And I've just realized how judgemental I am about the birth process.
But the past month has softened me. The birth I desire is not going to be the right birth for another. To the person who says--I could never birth at home, too much can go wrong...Then the hospital is the place for them because they would not be able to birth at home with that mentality. Their body could very likely stall labor until they were in the comfort of the hospital with all the high tech interventional amenities.
To the person that desires an epidural at the first twinge of a uterine contraction, I say I hope it works out for you and you don't suffer from the potential side affects.
To the person that want to birth at home, I say I hope you find the inner strength to complete the task at hand and come out with a sense of pride and accomplishment.
I'm at a place where I want to support the decisions of these friends even when it's not what I would choose for myself. In the same way I would hope that they would return the support.
I wish women had more courage demonstrated to them when it comes to the birth process. I wish doctors would up their belief in a woman's ability to birth a healthy baby. We need a cultural shift away from birth being viewed as a sickness and instead have it be viewed as supernatual yet normal bodily function.
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